It’s as if Hideo Kojima designed another Metal Gear game, but his confused verbosity were replaced by electronically braying tutorials and the enemies were replaced by shimmering, rocky undead. Also, Kojima’s story is taken to an alternate universe, an excuse for the pallid aesthetic, but not enough so to where real world American dollars couldn’t be used for survival gear.
Metal Gear Survive is dull, derivative gunk set in the turgid zombie culture. It’s a genre placeholder made on the backs of independent ideas like Don’t Starve or How to Survive, but titled with a powerhouse franchise. Hard pass, and consider the series’ future probably void.
1/5
Review 'Em All 
Boring review with no real content or reasons why you thought what you typed. I don’t know if you’re trying for some kind of New Yorker-esque review style but it’s shallow and pedantic.
Maybe with more effort and reasoning you’ll be able to get your opinions through to people without sounding like a total stuck-up asshole.
This review doesn’t help anyone actually know what’s wrong with the game or why they shouldn’t buy it other than your sardonic commentary.
1/5
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